I am sitting in a cafe while I wait for my daughter to finish her tutoring.
I sit here on my own and think how far I have come. This week there was some unsettling news about work. I could be back in the job market soon. But one thing I noticed was how quickly I recovered from the news. When I heard the news, I couldn't function anymore and lost all motivation to do any more work that day.
All the scary thoughts came flooding in, 'what am I going to do?', 'how will I survive?', 'what will I do financially?'. I sat in the discomfort and allowed myself to feel all that emotion. The next day, I had no choice but to still turn up to work. I still had a job (for how long remains to be seen) to go to. I still had to show up. I knew I wasn't alone because everyone at work was feeling the stress. But by the next day, I resolved that I would start searching, figured out a plan financially and let go.
Because whatever has happened in my life, whatever obstacles I am faced with. The universe always delivers something better for me. And perhaps this journey has to end for a new one to be experienced. It is out of my control.
It's just sad and unfortunate. I said to my work friends whom I hold dear that it's been the one workplace I've been in for a long time that I've enjoyed waking up everyday and going to work. I'm not perfect, there will be days that I can't be bothered and feel too lazy to work. That's human nature but I didn't hate my place of work. I genuinely loved the people I worked with despite all the dramas and issues we've been dealt with. That aspect I'm sad about because I don't know if I'll ever find that again.
Ironically the day after the news came out, it was my 2 years anniversary at work. 2 years!!!! For me that's been a great achievement these last few years. It's not that I ever plan to leave workplaces all the time but I leave because it's not a fit for me. It's a different era where changing jobs is not frowned up but still I like having some longevity. The last one I had been in for a long time, I loved the people and friends I'd made but the place was too toxic and management lacking. I can't do toxic. Looking back I know what it did to my body and my wellbeing and I refuse to neglect myself anymore.
I wish I had the financial means to just work when the mood suited me and spend the rest as a lady of leisure. I can dream, I can manifest it.
But this week made me realise how resilient I've become and to always remain positive.
And it's freeing for me to sit here in a cafe, by myself not bothered and in my own world. It's the freedom I have always wanted. I am happy! And that's worth it's weight in gold!!!!
And it made me want to write, which is always a bonus. It's another form of release for me and one I've missed so much.
