Out of Lockdown 2021

It's been 5 weeks since we got out of lockdown and life is relatively back to normal. Wrote the below 2.5 months into lockdown....lockdown ended after nearly 4.5 months. 

Now my journey for a better me and a life filled with joy and contentment and purpose is back on track. So much to explore and life to live!

I have kept a physical journal the whole time in lockdown and will continue to do so as it has helped with my mental health in leaps and bounds. Like therapy without paying a therapist. 

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Sydney Lockdown 2021

Week 10 into lockdown and my previous strong mental resolve is crumbling. This inactivity, being stuck at home and routines out the window is quite frankly depressing. I'm an extrovert and love being around people, and while I do occasionally enjoy time to myself...this drawn out lockdown is hard. I can only imagine what Melbournians are feeling having been in and out of lockdown longer and in their 6th lockdown which keeps getting extended. 

I try to count my blessings and look for positives which is what I've always tried to do in my life, look at the bright side because despite the despair I am better off than some people who have lost their livelihood, homes or even loved ones. But also I can't discount what I'm feeling because at the end of the day they are valid feelings. 

I miss my family, my friends and my life. So many things we took for granted.

2021 was going to be a year for me and do lots of things I missed out on because I have been in a long term relationship since I was 19. I ended the relationship in February 2020 but have felt that my life has been stuck (for reasons I won't get into) and 2021 was going to be the year I moved on. But of course, COVID had other plans. 

I got a taste of a life I never knew before. I never really dated when I was younger. It's unchartered territory but I was up for the challenge. I find as you get older, you don't have as much hangups. You have a better idea of what you want and you don't apologise for it or care what anybody else thinks. At the end of the day, it is you that you have to make happy. I knew what I was after in the beginning and I went for it guilt free. It was my time to have some fun. But then discovered how brutal the dating scene is now with the advent of dating apps. 

Minimalism during COVID

My minimalist journey is ongoing. I joined a minimalism group on Facebook. I usually just lurk and read a lot of people's posts, questions and success story to get ideas. I was going to share what I'm going through in the group but was not comfortable in posting it. I opted to share it in this blog instead. No one reads this blog but I'm ok with that. I may be prepared to write down what I'm going through but not quite there yet with sharing pictures of my decluttering journey. 

I am nowhere near my minimalist goal. I look around my house and there is still so much stuff. Mind you a lot of it is not mine (I always say this...I read my past minimalist blog posts. It still holds true). I live with a hoarder so trying to be a minimalist is difficult. I'm hoping that soon I will be free of the hoarder. I dream of what my life would be like with a home created of my own choosing. 

What I haven found in my ongoing minimalist journey is a change in mindset (and again I've said that before). Now I find myself thinking about my purchases. I ask myself 'do I really need this?' before I buy something. Or look at an existing item at home and ask 'do I still need this?' Usually it's a no and it goes in the garbage bin or given to charity. 

I used to love sales and feeling a sense of achievement when I bought something at a bargain. Now I don't even jump at the thought of a sale unless I really need something, otherwise it's of no use to me. 

I went shopping a few weeks ago (for something other than groceries) and I wrote down a list of things I needed. I was so pleased that I only bought the things I listed. I was going to splurge on a dress but I tried it on and it just didn't fit right, so I didn't buy it. I wasn't sad and actually relieved it didn't fit because it made it easier to for me to walk away from it. I find it so freeing. My ultimate goal is to have a capsule wardrobe...someday. 

I mean does anyone ever notice the clothes that we do wear in our daily life? I find I wear the same things all the time so that is why I am thinking of a capsule wardrobe. Specially when I am on holidays, I used to pack a lot of clothes but then when I look back at photos I find myself wearing the same outfit...usually the favourites. 

With Covid-19 and forced to work from home, looking at my cluttered home causes me so much anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. I mean how do you start? I knew I couldn't do it all in one go so I started decluttering one day at a time. Now, the night before garbage night I look around my home and pick up things to bin! My one day at a time goal. 

Last weekend, I tackled the space under the stairs. In the 15 years I've lived inn my house, it has become a dumping ground for 'STUFF' and I didn't even really know what was in there. I took everything out and put in a 5 tier shelving unit which utilises space much better under the stairs. 

Previously, things were just dumped on top of eachother and made it difficult to look for things. With the shelves, it meant I could also put away the 'STUFF' that was dumped in the dining room. The dining room is currently used as a dumping ground. We don't own a dining table. We eat in front of the tv mostly, a habit we should break frankly. I'm thinking once I've cleared the space, I'm going to invest in a dining table so the room is used for it's actual purpose. 

With all the new space discovered under the stairs, I realised I could also fit a 10 tier shoe rack to keep shoes hidden and away from view...at least my shoes anyway. Wit the hoarder in the house, he has also accumulated a lot of shoes. I used to own a lot of shoes but I've found I use the same shoes all the time and don't really need that many. I am learning that I can live with less. When I do buy shoes, it's because one has worn out and am in need of a replacement. 

After clearing out and tidying up the space under the stairs, it motivated me to maintain a cleaner house. The feeling of having a tidy, clean home really does wonders to one's mental health. Each night, I would pick any mess that needed to be cleared and tidy up. It inspired me for my next project...tackle the kitchen and unused items. 

I went so far as to buy new storage canisters to organise and sort. 

Did I get around to doing it? NO.

I have my moments where I am given this bursst of motivation to organise & declutter. It started with my daughter's bedroom and getting rid of 'STUFF' that she had outgrown and make her space current and relevant to her needs. 

It spawned the motivation to cleaning under the stairs. I expect my minimalist journey will happen over time. This will be a lifelong journey that I know as the years progress will hopefully get easier. I am kind to myself and just go at the pace that I am comfortable with. 

Who knows waht my next update will be like? 

2020 Running Goals and beyond

Every year I write out a list of half marathons and potential marathons I want to achieve.

The past few years I list the same goals but somehow I haven't been able to achieve them. I have the best intentions so this year I am changing tact.

I have created a running challenge with a group of co-workers but so far none has signed up for the challenge. But all good. I will do it anyway. The challenge is to run as much as you can in the year. It's a rolling monthly challenge.

That is my only goal for next year, to get one foot in front of the other.

And once I achieve that, I can think about doing the number of races in my bucket list.

This year is about manifesting. I'm not a religious person but I believe in spirituality. Manifesting is when our thoughts materialise in the real world.

I love this quote 'What lies before us and what lies behind us are small matters compared to what lies within us. And when you bring what is within out into the world, miracles happen.'

I may not be listing my running goals but fear not, I am still working on achieving it. I am not giving up. I believe I have it in me to do this and I will.

Blog vs Facebook vs Instagram

I create headings of the things I want to write about, ideas on what to write about.

Blog vs Facebook - this was something I wanted to write about back in 2012. I never got around to it. Always seems to be the case. I do enjoy writing but I don't commit to it. It is now Dec 2019 and felt the urge to write again. I created 4 new headings and saved it for when I am ready to write about them. I noticed I had 13 drafts and discovered this one. I started with the sentence below and got as far as that.

Am I just substituting one addiction with another???

Facebook was created in 2004. I joined in 2007. So in 2012, I had been using it for 5 years. It's now 2019 and holy shit, I've had FB for 12 years. I don't know what to think about that.

I am a prolific FB poster. I used to update people about my fitness workouts...coz if you didn't post it, did it really happen? Jokes. At the time I was working towards running my first half marathon, I was really proud of my achievements and I wanted to share it. I mean, heck I had no idea I would be able to run long distances and yet there I was training for it. I have always been conscious about what I post. I'm sure there were people I annoyed with my posts but I think it was at an acceptable level. It inspired a few of my friends/workmates to run. But I don't run as much since my half marathon in 2012. I miss running but I've been riddled with injuries and so much harder to go out running now with a child. I will get back out there eventually but I will share my running updates in my running specific instagram. I don't share so much of my workouts on my personal FB page, because I don't want to be that annoying person who shares EVERY frigging workout. There is such a thing as oversharing and thankfully I think I have the balance to keep people engaged. Some sort of self awareness, which people seem to lack these days.

I say I am a prolific FB poster but one thing I don't really broadcast is my personal life. I share just mostly about myself and my daughter. My relationship is off limits. I don't need to be broadcasting that to anyone and besides, the person I'm with detests social media and does not have any social media accounts. We are polar opposites - I'm an extrovert he's sorta an introvert.

Facebook gives others the illusion they know about your life. People know about what you post and there are some who overshare. An example, someone who posted loved up post about her husband...next thing you know she left him because it turns out he was an asshole in real life. I assumed they had the perfect life and was in shock when I heard of their split. Only after did I find out the truth. And even she can't answer why she posted what she did. But it was a lesson she learned.

I'm rambling but to get back to the topic....to which I've added - vs Instagram.

There is much more social media platforms out there. I've tried some of them.

Blogging, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat to name a few.

I've got accounts for all above but I hardly ever use Twitter or Snapchat.

Snapchat initially I was hesitant to try because that was the app where you send nudes or naughty pics to someone and they disappear after 24hrs. But this changed after a while. I was on maternity leave in 2015 and I downloaded Snapchat. The filters on photos was what drew me to it. I love taking photos (I have over 22k of photos saved on flickr). Snapchat was a way to entertain myself because no one tells you how boring and isolating being at home with a child who doesn't talk back to you. I stopped using snapchat when instagram copied snapchat and added stories. I still have my snapchat account but only check it every now and then to see if they have a better filter than instagram.

Twitter - I never really use. Just keep the account to check on things that go viral and particularly if there's something I watch and want to see everyone else's opinion. You can find some funny twitter posts. It's just not my medium.

Facebook was my first introduction to social media.........wait no that's a lie, Myspace was but I was never really good at using it. I don't even know why I had Myspace. But in any case, FB was the one that really got me hooked. I remember my first post was something along the lines of - I don't know what I'm doing but here I am!' I have about 643 on my friend list. Do I know all these people? Mostly. There are maybe about a dozen or so i've never met in real life but either met on FB from some common group we are a part of. I'm not under any illusion that the 643 people on my friend list are my real friends. You'd have to be crazy to think that. I have a handful of really close friends and friends and work friends that I see on a regular basis. These handful of people are people I communicate with outside the realm of social media. Mostly the 643 on my friend list which are not close friends are acquaintances, people I've worked with, people I used to work with.

I don't know about everybody else, as I mentioned I'm an extrovert and I do keep up with a lot of people in general. I just love being around people and I'm that person who's always up for a catchup. I've moved so many jobs and each time I leave a job, I never leave a job completely because I always end up making friends at each workplace. It was hard when my daughter was younger, I was a bit housebound. I kept a strict sleeping schedule for her which now makes her a good sleeper so it was hard to go out plus she was also breastfed for the 1st year of her life. Consequently means, I didn't really have a life in her first year. Not that I'm complaining but now it's good to have a semblance of a life outside of my child.

Having that many people on my FB friend list, made me evaluate how I wanted to run my Instagram account. Instagram is a different platform to FB, because it's all about photos. Photos to me are more personal and I didn't necessarily want to share that with everyone.

I have less than 300 following me on instagram. I can probably cull some more people from that list and I will do when I get a chance. I just figured I share a lot more in instagram, more personal stuff that I don't want everyone to see. There are some requests I've decline because there are people I don't want to see my photos.

I also have multiple instagram accounts for different interests. Just makes it cleaner so your feed is not clogged up with things you might occasionally want to see. My main instagram is private, the others ie my running & fitness, balloon twisting and dog instagram accounts are public.

Which then brings me to this blog. It's safe to say I'm fairly anonymous on this blog. No one reads my post and I'm ok with that. It's like my digital diary on the world wide web. I don't broadcast this blog to anyone. My sister knows because she used to have a blog in her teens but she doesn't do any sort of blogging these days and she's probably forgotten about it.

I just love writing. I'm not particularly good at it but I find it cathartic. I've kept journals on and off over the years and I love reading back on what I've written. Takes me back to that day and what I may have been feeling or what I was going through, either good or bad. Writing in a journal, you don't have an audience. There are no rules and you can do whatever you want. In saying that, I also get paranoid about my journals because what if someone finds them and reads them? It feels like an invasion of my private thoughts. So that's why some of my old journals, I read one final time and destroyed. I destroyed my old journals in 2012 or 2013. Then in 2015 I welcomed my rainbow child and there was no time for journals.

I don't put any pressure on myself to write in a journal. It's just whenever the mood takes me. Writing in a journal is a release for me. It helps me with my mental health. It makes me feel better when i commit to paper what I am going through and then I let it go.

So at the beginning of 2019 it was my New Years resolutions to start journaling again - I stuck to this resolution up until March 2019 until i started again in September 2019. It was because I started journaling again I remembered my blog and wrote a blog post in October 2019.

Most blogs usually stick to a certain topic. I had no specific topic I wanted to discuss so this blog is of musings of whatever I feel like talking about. Whether anyone reads it, I'm not bothered. This blog is for me.

Love this! Self explanatory really

Minimalist journey update..........

I'm no closer to getting to my ideal minimalist life but I think I am making progress.

As I mentioned previously, the clutter at home is not mine but my partners. For some reason he finds it hard to let go of things. Things he hasn't used in years but just sits there because it would be a waste to throw it out. I do not get that logic.

I have noticed there are certain mindsets that I am gradually changing, particularly about shopping. I find that I don't really buy as much as I used to for the sake of buying or because it's cheap or on special. My mantra now is - just because it's cheap or on special doesn't make it a bargain. Unless you need a certain item then you are wasting your money.

I look at my wardrobe and whilst not there yet, I've made immense progress. There are probably still things I can let go of and I do occasionally do get rid of things slowly.

My next challenge is getting rid of baby clothes, toys and anything baby related that is no longer being used since I am done having children.

My daughter has for some reason inherited her father's hoarding trait. I need to undo this.

The goal to minimalism...

Need to work towards living a minimalist life. My house is full of stuff I don't need. Most of it is not mine so even harder to get rid of. I admit I do have a lot of clothes but I think if I had to cull it I would do alright.

I'm sure I'll come across some issues but for the most part I think I'd be able to do it. I imagine it will take a long while to do it but I'm sure it can be done!!!

Have to start somewhere right? Going to tackle little piles and see how I go.

I just hate the feeling of walking into my house and not wanting to be there. It gives me anxiety.