Strange new reality...

I am sitting in a cafe while I wait for my daughter to finish her tutoring. 

I sit here on my own and think how far I have come. This week there was some unsettling news about work. I could be back in the job market soon. But one thing I noticed was how quickly I recovered from the news. When I heard the news, I couldn't function anymore and lost all motivation to do any more work that day. 

All the scary thoughts came flooding in, 'what am I going to do?', 'how will I survive?', 'what will I do financially?'. I sat in the discomfort and allowed myself to feel all that emotion. The next day, I had no choice but to still turn up to work. I still had a job (for how long remains to be seen) to go to. I still had to show up. I knew I wasn't alone because everyone at work was feeling the stress. But by the next day, I resolved that I would start searching, figured out a plan financially and let go. 

Because whatever has happened in my life, whatever obstacles I am faced with. The universe always delivers something better for me. And perhaps this journey has to end for a new one to be experienced. It is out of my control. 

It's just sad and unfortunate. I said to my work friends whom I hold dear that it's been the one workplace I've been in for a long time that I've enjoyed waking up everyday and going to work. I'm not perfect, there will be days that I can't be bothered and feel too lazy to work. That's human nature but I didn't hate my place of work. I genuinely loved the people I worked with despite all the dramas and issues we've been dealt with. That aspect I'm sad about because I don't know if I'll ever find that again. 

Ironically the day after the news came out, it was my 2 years anniversary at work. 2 years!!!! For me that's been a great achievement these last few years. It's not that I ever plan to leave workplaces all the time but I leave because it's not a fit for me. It's a different era where changing jobs is not frowned up but still I like having some longevity. The last one I had been in for a long time, I loved the people and friends I'd made but the place was too toxic and management lacking. I can't do toxic. Looking back I know what it did to my body and my wellbeing and I refuse to neglect myself anymore. 

I wish I had the financial means to just work when the mood suited me and spend the rest as a lady of leisure. I can dream, I can manifest it. 

But this week made me realise how resilient I've become and to always remain positive. 

And it's freeing for me to sit here in a cafe, by myself not bothered and in my own world. It's the freedom I have always wanted. I am happy! And that's worth it's weight in gold!!!!

And it made me want to write, which is always a bonus. It's another form of release for me and one I've missed so much. 

The Year of Me....2025 Edition

I blog sparingly.....

And skipped the year of me 2024 edition. Looking back there was a reason, reasons I will keep to myself. 2024 didn't start off to a good year. Makes sense that there was no new year entry. It's something I'd rather forget but acknowledge it lead to a lot of life lessons and choosing myself. 

I have vowed not to make resolutions because when I decide to do something, it has to be something permanent and something I maintain forever. None of these 'new year, new me!'. 

What I learned in 2024, was to prioritise me. I struggled with letting people go. It's still a struggle but as each day passes it gets easier. 

And now it's September 2025.

I've never shared this blog with anyone until recently. I sent screenshots but not share the web address. I like the anonymity this affords me and to release whatever emotions I am feeling. I'm not ready to let go of that anonymity. Even if nobody reads this blog, I don't care. That was never the reason I started this. 

In my darkest days, my journal was a sense of comfort. Any time I felt any heavy emotions, I would put pen to paper and the relief it gave me was immense. There is healing power in releasing all that pent up emotions and putting it to paper. Do I ever read back what I have written? Sometimes....but then most of the time it feels so cringeworthy. But what I've learned is to always give myself grace. We do that to others but we are always harder on ourselves than anybody else. 

Looking back on my journal, I thought I'd be on to the new one already. I've accumulated new journals but haven't filled the pages with words. I've managed less than half a dozen of entries so far in 2025. What does that mean? 

I looked back on the year so far and it's been a year I've learned to let go, really let go! From reading a lot about relationships and looking inwards, I realised I had an anxious attachment style - a strong fear of abandonment and constant need for reassurance.  

There were 2 significant relationships in my life since leaving my ex that has had an impact in my life. It has taught me so much about myself. The pain I had to endure to come out on the other side, understanding my worth, what I will put up with and what I will no longer sacrifice. The hurt from not being chosen was a pain I had to face but also understand that people not choosing me has no bearing on my worth. It just means those people that I had placed so much significance on were not the people for me. 

These 2 people in my life could not be more polar opposites, but I needed them to help me decide who was worth keeping in my life and whom to discard. The difference between the 2 was startling. Before, I wanted to elaborate more on those relationships but now I don't feel the need to. It feels like I'm circling on something I've moved on from and my journey in 2025 is to move on. 

All I will say is that, as uncomfortable as it feels to not be chosen, to be heartbroken when my feelings were not reciprocated.....I haven't had much practice in this. My one significant relationship was with my ex from 19 years of age to 42. I was never the type in my younger years to date perse. And I feel like I'm experiencing all of that now that I'm older, with the added advantage of facing it with maturity. That doesn't mean it was easier but it means that the gap between my heart realising what my mind already knew was shorter. 

What I can attribute to lesser journal entries is that I'm better mentally, learned to let go and moving forward with my life in whatever form that looks like. But I don't want my journals to only be moments of sorrow. I need to make it a conscious habit to write about good things that also happens in my life. 

A life well lived is full of ups and downs, what defines us is how we handle those moments. I will never be fully healed, because we are ever evolving humans made up of complex emotions. 

There are times I feel I have healed and am stronger but then the universe always finds a way to test my resolve. My life will always be a journey full of lessons to help me grow and any tests in my life I'm given, I trust myself to know that I will be ok. I have the inner strength to survive what life throws at me. And I have the trust in myself, love for myself to help me live up to my potential. 

There is the peace internally that I have always longed for and that to me is PRICELESS!!! 

2025 is not yet over but so far it hasn't been too bad. 

The Greatest Love of all

I have been singing Whitney's song for so long and perhaps I've been desentisized to it. 

But today as I was driving to work, I heard this song and I was brought to tears. 

I've been on my healing journey and this really hit a nerve today...

Today, listening to this song I realised how empowering it is and is the BIGGEST anthem for self-love and the realisation that I have all the love I need within myself. I am enough, I am worthy! 

That has been my healing journey, something finally clicks when you least expect it.  

I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone’s shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I’ll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can’t take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all.”

The Year of Me.............continues 2023 edition

Healing..............

How do you know when you've healed? I feel like this healing journey is never ending. You conquer something and then you are thrown another challenge that tests you. 

I wish I could have a superpower that can fix everything about me. 

But at the same time, my quirks and everything about me is what makes me.........ME!

Not that there's anything wrong with me perse but there are things about myself I want to improve and be the best version of myself. 

I am happier than I was compared to last year but then I still have my moments of sadness. Which is normal and I'm not going to judge myself. 

I know what I want but I am going to be patient that what is meant for me will come in time. 

Patience.......I have discovered I don't really have much of. But I need to practice patience. I can't rush what is meant for me. I have to trust that I will be ready for what I have asked the universe for. 

The Year of ME!

 The year of ME!!!

2022, started with a bang. Let's hope the momentum keeps going well into this decade. 

So many lessons being learned, some fills with me joy, some with pain but at the heart of it all - it allows me to grow as a person. The person I am today is different to the person I was last year. 

I am learning so much about myself, there's some very confronting truths I've needed to face in order to heal. There is still so much healing. I didn't realise how damaged I was and until I confront it, I can't be whole and be in the type of relationship I would like. Not one that would last anyway unless I put in the work to prioritise me and make me happy first and foremost before I can make someone else happy. 

Waking up each day ready to tackle the world!

I woke up this morning and thought to myself, I didn't wake up with any negative thoughts or worry! It's nice to wake up each day with a clean slate!

For years I suffered from insomnia and was consumed with so much worry. I had a lot of things in my life I wasn't dealing with, all that negative energy drained me. It consumed me and it resulted in poor health. Until at some point I said 'Enough'! 

I faced what I had ignored for so long. I ended a long term relationship which no longer served me. We were both in denial, both of us understood we haven't worked together as a couple but neither wanted to rip the bandaid off. Plus we have a child together. You don't ever want your child to be from a broken home. Both our parents were still together. But that is not a compelling enough reason to stay together. 

We have a child together, was also a motivation for leaving an unhappy relationship. I don't ever want my daughter to feel you have to stay in a miserable, loveless relationship for the sake of keeping the family together. Of course I wish she wasn't from a broken home but I want her to have parents who are happy even if we aren't together. Our priority always is her happiness and wellbeing. At least we can agree on that. 

For a long time, I kept news of our separation secret and only a handful of people knew. It was easy to keep secret as for years we were distant and didn't operate as a couple. Living in the house as if we were roommates and nothing more. I'm not exactly sure what I feared.......in telling the news to everyone. 

I suppose for me I wanted to deal with my grief in private and to heal with no outside pressures. I didn't realise how private I had become. You wouldn't think so if you looked at my social media posts. I share a lot but the one thing I've never been guilty of, is sharing my relationship on social media. Part of it is because my ex is not on social media and is extremely private. It's always been off limits and since February 2020 when we split, no one was none the wiser. I shared the news with close friends who I leaned on for support but I could count on them not to disclose my news. 

There was a quote I saw recently that really resonated with me...

'I did not unlove you overnight. 
No, I unloved you in bits and pieces over time. 
I grew a new skin that you could never touch, 
a new heart that you could never break, 

and a new soul that you could never corrupt.
This is how I unloved you...
Slowly, painfully, 
But with no regrets.' 

I felt so seen when I read that quote because it was a slow process for me, I loved him but that love slowly faded over the years when I wasn't getting the love I deserved back. It's a hard pill to swallow when all you want is for that person to love you back but he doesn't. I had a lot of anger over that. And when I finally did rip the bandaid, only then did he reflect and realise what he was losing but it was too little too late. We had done this song and dance before, I try to rip the bandaid but we somehow put the bandaid back on. It's good for about 6 months and we go back to our old ways. I'm too old to be doing that song and dance. In the end, I made the decision that I wanted to be happy and if me being happy meant being single, then so be it. 

There have been a lot of tears, how can there not be? I was mourning 23 years of my life I thought was going to be forever. But after nearly 2 years I can honestly say I'm the happiest I've ever been. What I've never had to question was the support of my family and friends. It just took a lot of soul searching within myself and come to terms with the breakup before I could share the news with everyone. 

In lockdown, already dealing with my breakup and the mental strain of being in lockdown I started exercising again. It improved my health and reduced my weight which I had let climb to unhealthy levels. It made me feel much better about myself and more confident. I was mentally strong again. There was a lot of closure in lockdown, having discussions about my relationship with the ex was quite cathartic. It also made me realise I was ready to move on. 

And so here I am, moving on......but that's another post on it's own 😊 

So today.....

I woke up this morning and thought to myself, I didn't wake up with any negative thoughts or worry! It's nice to wake up each day with a clean slate!

It's a freeing feeling, I wake up early (wish I could control my body clock) and start each day with positivity. 

And it's something others have noticed in me. When I finally came clean to my family and told them about my breakup, they were not exactly surprised and were super supportive. They noticed the changes in myself. When you have inner happiness, it shows in your outward appearance and I truly believe that. I was told I was glowing in my pictures....they just don't realise I know the angles to get a good pic hahaha but I will take the compliment. 

But is it even official if it's not been FB official hahaha? Well I finally did share it online, I have no reason to hide and I'm ready emotionally to deal with the questions. 

2021 certainly has been a year of growth for me. I am ready for the new challenges that 2022 has in store for me. I won't be making NY resolutions but my goal always is live a life of joy and happiness. I'm a simpleton. It would be nice to find love again but I'll wait for the right person to come along. However long that takes. 

Below was an excerpt from a book one of my closest friend sent me for Christmas that prompted me to write today: 

'Happiness is a daily journey. The little moments, the people in your life, the smiles and laughs and hugs. When you stop to recognise the little and big things that bring your life joy and meaning, you're making a choice to feel happy and you can choose to feel happy every day'

Words to live by! 

To remain anonymous?

 To remain anonymous? 

I've had this title 'To remain anonymous' since 2009 when I started writing this blog. It's been a draft until today 😆. Safe to say it is still anonymous. I quite like it this way. It's kinda freeing to be able write my thoughts and musings and put out there in the web. Whether anyone reads this, it doesn't matter. This blog is just for me as an outlet. 

I quite enjoy writing and suprise myself when I read back on what I've written. I have no intention of growing this blog either, it's purely just for me as a project I wanted to start. I don't want to take the joy out of it by being expected to publish a blog post weekly or what have you. I do this on a whim when the mood strikes. 

Writing Goals

The goal, each and every year is to maintain a journal. 

Most of the times, I maintain it for a certain period of time and then I stop and forget about it for a while. But always return to it when I go through difficult periods in my life. Like crying, writing in my journal is so cathartic for me. It honestly has gotten me through lockdown. 

There were moments in lockdown I felt so low and so down. Just being trapped at home was very suffocating. I was going through some personal issues. Exercising by walking daily helped but it didn't help with the thoughts in my head. Writing down my feelings and what I was going through helped me release a lot of negativity I felt. I'm not sharing the exact details of what I went through but let's just say it was enough to cause turmoil. 

I've previously mentioned, as an extrovert lockdown was initially hard on me. But lockdown forced me to slow down. When you have no distractions you are forced to be introspective and in the end I was grateful for it. It has allowed a lot of personal growth and helped me to change my mindset to live a life of joy. Everything might not be as I wish but I learn to face each day with conviction. Learning to speak up and ask for what I want! Even if the answers are not what I want to hear, it's ok. I value myself enough to understand that I deserve better, and something better out there is waiting for me! I trust in that - Laws of Attraction! 

And that is what maintaining my journal has helped me achieve. 

Manifestation - Dec 2019

I draft posts and forget to publish....this year I will work on publishing my blogs a bit more frequently. 

Another example of a late post below - 

This year I wanted to manifest a lot of different things in my life.

I made a list, closed my journal and left it at that.

A few months later I looked back on my list and realised that one of the items on the top of my list was coming to fruition. Actually there were more than a few that I had achieved.

To me being able to manifest something, anything..........involves thinking positively.

I don't look at my list too often because I don't want to get obsessed with it. I like to read back on it every now and then to see how I am tracking.

Last week, something unexpected happened that I didn't manifest on purpose. This was not something I could have ever dreamed of. It is so left field but am facing the challenge with gusto. Bring it on!!! What else have I got to lose right?

To give what I'm talking about some context -

In March 2018 I delved in some creative pursuits which was only meant to be temporary for my daughter's 3rd birthday party the following month. I got so obsessed with the creative pursuit, I decided to take a beginners class to hone my skills and the rest as they say is history!!!!!

Out of Lockdown 2021

It's been 5 weeks since we got out of lockdown and life is relatively back to normal. Wrote the below 2.5 months into lockdown....lockdown ended after nearly 4.5 months. 

Now my journey for a better me and a life filled with joy and contentment and purpose is back on track. So much to explore and life to live!

I have kept a physical journal the whole time in lockdown and will continue to do so as it has helped with my mental health in leaps and bounds. Like therapy without paying a therapist. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sydney Lockdown 2021

Week 10 into lockdown and my previous strong mental resolve is crumbling. This inactivity, being stuck at home and routines out the window is quite frankly depressing. I'm an extrovert and love being around people, and while I do occasionally enjoy time to myself...this drawn out lockdown is hard. I can only imagine what Melbournians are feeling having been in and out of lockdown longer and in their 6th lockdown which keeps getting extended. 

I try to count my blessings and look for positives which is what I've always tried to do in my life, look at the bright side because despite the despair I am better off than some people who have lost their livelihood, homes or even loved ones. But also I can't discount what I'm feeling because at the end of the day they are valid feelings. 

I miss my family, my friends and my life. So many things we took for granted.

2021 was going to be a year for me and do lots of things I missed out on because I have been in a long term relationship since I was 19. I ended the relationship in February 2020 but have felt that my life has been stuck (for reasons I won't get into) and 2021 was going to be the year I moved on. But of course, COVID had other plans. 

I got a taste of a life I never knew before. I never really dated when I was younger. It's unchartered territory but I was up for the challenge. I find as you get older, you don't have as much hangups. You have a better idea of what you want and you don't apologise for it or care what anybody else thinks. At the end of the day, it is you that you have to make happy. I knew what I was after in the beginning and I went for it guilt free. It was my time to have some fun. But then discovered how brutal the dating scene is now with the advent of dating apps. 

Minimalism during COVID

My minimalist journey is ongoing. I joined a minimalism group on Facebook. I usually just lurk and read a lot of people's posts, questions and success story to get ideas. I was going to share what I'm going through in the group but was not comfortable in posting it. I opted to share it in this blog instead. No one reads this blog but I'm ok with that. I may be prepared to write down what I'm going through but not quite there yet with sharing pictures of my decluttering journey. 

I am nowhere near my minimalist goal. I look around my house and there is still so much stuff. Mind you a lot of it is not mine (I always say this...I read my past minimalist blog posts. It still holds true). I live with a hoarder so trying to be a minimalist is difficult. I'm hoping that soon I will be free of the hoarder. I dream of what my life would be like with a home created of my own choosing. 

What I haven found in my ongoing minimalist journey is a change in mindset (and again I've said that before). Now I find myself thinking about my purchases. I ask myself 'do I really need this?' before I buy something. Or look at an existing item at home and ask 'do I still need this?' Usually it's a no and it goes in the garbage bin or given to charity. 

I used to love sales and feeling a sense of achievement when I bought something at a bargain. Now I don't even jump at the thought of a sale unless I really need something, otherwise it's of no use to me. 

I went shopping a few weeks ago (for something other than groceries) and I wrote down a list of things I needed. I was so pleased that I only bought the things I listed. I was going to splurge on a dress but I tried it on and it just didn't fit right, so I didn't buy it. I wasn't sad and actually relieved it didn't fit because it made it easier to for me to walk away from it. I find it so freeing. My ultimate goal is to have a capsule wardrobe...someday. 

I mean does anyone ever notice the clothes that we do wear in our daily life? I find I wear the same things all the time so that is why I am thinking of a capsule wardrobe. Specially when I am on holidays, I used to pack a lot of clothes but then when I look back at photos I find myself wearing the same outfit...usually the favourites. 

With Covid-19 and forced to work from home, looking at my cluttered home causes me so much anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. I mean how do you start? I knew I couldn't do it all in one go so I started decluttering one day at a time. Now, the night before garbage night I look around my home and pick up things to bin! My one day at a time goal. 

Last weekend, I tackled the space under the stairs. In the 15 years I've lived inn my house, it has become a dumping ground for 'STUFF' and I didn't even really know what was in there. I took everything out and put in a 5 tier shelving unit which utilises space much better under the stairs. 

Previously, things were just dumped on top of eachother and made it difficult to look for things. With the shelves, it meant I could also put away the 'STUFF' that was dumped in the dining room. The dining room is currently used as a dumping ground. We don't own a dining table. We eat in front of the tv mostly, a habit we should break frankly. I'm thinking once I've cleared the space, I'm going to invest in a dining table so the room is used for it's actual purpose. 

With all the new space discovered under the stairs, I realised I could also fit a 10 tier shoe rack to keep shoes hidden and away from view...at least my shoes anyway. Wit the hoarder in the house, he has also accumulated a lot of shoes. I used to own a lot of shoes but I've found I use the same shoes all the time and don't really need that many. I am learning that I can live with less. When I do buy shoes, it's because one has worn out and am in need of a replacement. 

After clearing out and tidying up the space under the stairs, it motivated me to maintain a cleaner house. The feeling of having a tidy, clean home really does wonders to one's mental health. Each night, I would pick any mess that needed to be cleared and tidy up. It inspired me for my next project...tackle the kitchen and unused items. 

I went so far as to buy new storage canisters to organise and sort. 

Did I get around to doing it? NO.

I have my moments where I am given this bursst of motivation to organise & declutter. It started with my daughter's bedroom and getting rid of 'STUFF' that she had outgrown and make her space current and relevant to her needs. 

It spawned the motivation to cleaning under the stairs. I expect my minimalist journey will happen over time. This will be a lifelong journey that I know as the years progress will hopefully get easier. I am kind to myself and just go at the pace that I am comfortable with. 

Who knows waht my next update will be like? 

2020 Running Goals and beyond

Every year I write out a list of half marathons and potential marathons I want to achieve.

The past few years I list the same goals but somehow I haven't been able to achieve them. I have the best intentions so this year I am changing tact.

I have created a running challenge with a group of co-workers but so far none has signed up for the challenge. But all good. I will do it anyway. The challenge is to run as much as you can in the year. It's a rolling monthly challenge.

That is my only goal for next year, to get one foot in front of the other.

And once I achieve that, I can think about doing the number of races in my bucket list.

This year is about manifesting. I'm not a religious person but I believe in spirituality. Manifesting is when our thoughts materialise in the real world.

I love this quote 'What lies before us and what lies behind us are small matters compared to what lies within us. And when you bring what is within out into the world, miracles happen.'

I may not be listing my running goals but fear not, I am still working on achieving it. I am not giving up. I believe I have it in me to do this and I will.

Blog vs Facebook vs Instagram

I create headings of the things I want to write about, ideas on what to write about.

Blog vs Facebook - this was something I wanted to write about back in 2012. I never got around to it. Always seems to be the case. I do enjoy writing but I don't commit to it. It is now Dec 2019 and felt the urge to write again. I created 4 new headings and saved it for when I am ready to write about them. I noticed I had 13 drafts and discovered this one. I started with the sentence below and got as far as that.

Am I just substituting one addiction with another???

Facebook was created in 2004. I joined in 2007. So in 2012, I had been using it for 5 years. It's now 2019 and holy shit, I've had FB for 12 years. I don't know what to think about that.

I am a prolific FB poster. I used to update people about my fitness workouts...coz if you didn't post it, did it really happen? Jokes. At the time I was working towards running my first half marathon, I was really proud of my achievements and I wanted to share it. I mean, heck I had no idea I would be able to run long distances and yet there I was training for it. I have always been conscious about what I post. I'm sure there were people I annoyed with my posts but I think it was at an acceptable level. It inspired a few of my friends/workmates to run. But I don't run as much since my half marathon in 2012. I miss running but I've been riddled with injuries and so much harder to go out running now with a child. I will get back out there eventually but I will share my running updates in my running specific instagram. I don't share so much of my workouts on my personal FB page, because I don't want to be that annoying person who shares EVERY frigging workout. There is such a thing as oversharing and thankfully I think I have the balance to keep people engaged. Some sort of self awareness, which people seem to lack these days.

I say I am a prolific FB poster but one thing I don't really broadcast is my personal life. I share just mostly about myself and my daughter. My relationship is off limits. I don't need to be broadcasting that to anyone and besides, the person I'm with detests social media and does not have any social media accounts. We are polar opposites - I'm an extrovert he's sorta an introvert.

Facebook gives others the illusion they know about your life. People know about what you post and there are some who overshare. An example, someone who posted loved up post about her husband...next thing you know she left him because it turns out he was an asshole in real life. I assumed they had the perfect life and was in shock when I heard of their split. Only after did I find out the truth. And even she can't answer why she posted what she did. But it was a lesson she learned.

I'm rambling but to get back to the topic....to which I've added - vs Instagram.

There is much more social media platforms out there. I've tried some of them.

Blogging, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Snapchat to name a few.

I've got accounts for all above but I hardly ever use Twitter or Snapchat.

Snapchat initially I was hesitant to try because that was the app where you send nudes or naughty pics to someone and they disappear after 24hrs. But this changed after a while. I was on maternity leave in 2015 and I downloaded Snapchat. The filters on photos was what drew me to it. I love taking photos (I have over 22k of photos saved on flickr). Snapchat was a way to entertain myself because no one tells you how boring and isolating being at home with a child who doesn't talk back to you. I stopped using snapchat when instagram copied snapchat and added stories. I still have my snapchat account but only check it every now and then to see if they have a better filter than instagram.

Twitter - I never really use. Just keep the account to check on things that go viral and particularly if there's something I watch and want to see everyone else's opinion. You can find some funny twitter posts. It's just not my medium.

Facebook was my first introduction to social media.........wait no that's a lie, Myspace was but I was never really good at using it. I don't even know why I had Myspace. But in any case, FB was the one that really got me hooked. I remember my first post was something along the lines of - I don't know what I'm doing but here I am!' I have about 643 on my friend list. Do I know all these people? Mostly. There are maybe about a dozen or so i've never met in real life but either met on FB from some common group we are a part of. I'm not under any illusion that the 643 people on my friend list are my real friends. You'd have to be crazy to think that. I have a handful of really close friends and friends and work friends that I see on a regular basis. These handful of people are people I communicate with outside the realm of social media. Mostly the 643 on my friend list which are not close friends are acquaintances, people I've worked with, people I used to work with.

I don't know about everybody else, as I mentioned I'm an extrovert and I do keep up with a lot of people in general. I just love being around people and I'm that person who's always up for a catchup. I've moved so many jobs and each time I leave a job, I never leave a job completely because I always end up making friends at each workplace. It was hard when my daughter was younger, I was a bit housebound. I kept a strict sleeping schedule for her which now makes her a good sleeper so it was hard to go out plus she was also breastfed for the 1st year of her life. Consequently means, I didn't really have a life in her first year. Not that I'm complaining but now it's good to have a semblance of a life outside of my child.

Having that many people on my FB friend list, made me evaluate how I wanted to run my Instagram account. Instagram is a different platform to FB, because it's all about photos. Photos to me are more personal and I didn't necessarily want to share that with everyone.

I have less than 300 following me on instagram. I can probably cull some more people from that list and I will do when I get a chance. I just figured I share a lot more in instagram, more personal stuff that I don't want everyone to see. There are some requests I've decline because there are people I don't want to see my photos.

I also have multiple instagram accounts for different interests. Just makes it cleaner so your feed is not clogged up with things you might occasionally want to see. My main instagram is private, the others ie my running & fitness, balloon twisting and dog instagram accounts are public.

Which then brings me to this blog. It's safe to say I'm fairly anonymous on this blog. No one reads my post and I'm ok with that. It's like my digital diary on the world wide web. I don't broadcast this blog to anyone. My sister knows because she used to have a blog in her teens but she doesn't do any sort of blogging these days and she's probably forgotten about it.

I just love writing. I'm not particularly good at it but I find it cathartic. I've kept journals on and off over the years and I love reading back on what I've written. Takes me back to that day and what I may have been feeling or what I was going through, either good or bad. Writing in a journal, you don't have an audience. There are no rules and you can do whatever you want. In saying that, I also get paranoid about my journals because what if someone finds them and reads them? It feels like an invasion of my private thoughts. So that's why some of my old journals, I read one final time and destroyed. I destroyed my old journals in 2012 or 2013. Then in 2015 I welcomed my rainbow child and there was no time for journals.

I don't put any pressure on myself to write in a journal. It's just whenever the mood takes me. Writing in a journal is a release for me. It helps me with my mental health. It makes me feel better when i commit to paper what I am going through and then I let it go.

So at the beginning of 2019 it was my New Years resolutions to start journaling again - I stuck to this resolution up until March 2019 until i started again in September 2019. It was because I started journaling again I remembered my blog and wrote a blog post in October 2019.

Most blogs usually stick to a certain topic. I had no specific topic I wanted to discuss so this blog is of musings of whatever I feel like talking about. Whether anyone reads it, I'm not bothered. This blog is for me.

Love this! Self explanatory really

Minimalist journey update..........

I'm no closer to getting to my ideal minimalist life but I think I am making progress.

As I mentioned previously, the clutter at home is not mine but my partners. For some reason he finds it hard to let go of things. Things he hasn't used in years but just sits there because it would be a waste to throw it out. I do not get that logic.

I have noticed there are certain mindsets that I am gradually changing, particularly about shopping. I find that I don't really buy as much as I used to for the sake of buying or because it's cheap or on special. My mantra now is - just because it's cheap or on special doesn't make it a bargain. Unless you need a certain item then you are wasting your money.

I look at my wardrobe and whilst not there yet, I've made immense progress. There are probably still things I can let go of and I do occasionally do get rid of things slowly.

My next challenge is getting rid of baby clothes, toys and anything baby related that is no longer being used since I am done having children.

My daughter has for some reason inherited her father's hoarding trait. I need to undo this.

The goal to minimalism...

Need to work towards living a minimalist life. My house is full of stuff I don't need. Most of it is not mine so even harder to get rid of. I admit I do have a lot of clothes but I think if I had to cull it I would do alright.

I'm sure I'll come across some issues but for the most part I think I'd be able to do it. I imagine it will take a long while to do it but I'm sure it can be done!!!

Have to start somewhere right? Going to tackle little piles and see how I go.

I just hate the feeling of walking into my house and not wanting to be there. It gives me anxiety.

People suck! I'm not an introvert but this certainly makes me turn inwards. I am not surprised really but it's a life lesson. Am a fool no longer.

Needed to vent.

Back Again...for how long? Who knows?

Consistency has never been key with this blog.

I don't know why I started it? I do love writing but even having a journal, I fail writing in that too. Only when the mood strikes me...and that mood doesn't strike often. I have always felt anonymous writing in this blog and hitting send and off it goes to the world wide web and that is how I prefer it. I imagine it's like writing something on a piece of paper and throwing it out to the world, no one will know who it's from...except the internet isn't really that anonymous. I mean people can find out who I am if they were good internet sleuths. But unless my musings strikes a chord with a big group of people, which it won't then that won't be happening anytime soon. So anonymous I will remain :-)

I'm still a wannabe marathon runner. I have failed this goal every year since 2013 but it is still a goal I want to achieve. I'm not letting go of that dream yet, even though my body fails me. Or maybe it's me who fails my body because I don't look after myself. A lot has happened in the 6 years since I last posted. But we won't dwell on that. Perhaps if the mood strikes me again to write in this blog I might share some things.

I discovered this blog again by accident today. I was checking an old email account which I hardly ever use and found the email with my blog address. I logged in and here I am. Guess I was in the mood today.

Mini Goals

It is so much harder to get moving now that I no longer have gym membership. Some would say that once they lock themselves to a financial commitment to a gym membership more often than not, you are guilted into going because you don't want to waste the money you've paid. I was never really one of those members. As those of you can attest, you never walk out from a workout feeling like it was a waste of time.

It has been a start/stop process for me to get me moving. Without goals I lack the motivation so I've set myself a mini goal. I will run every day for the next 7 days, starting tomorrow Sunday 17th February.

We'll see how it goes shall we?

Besides these mini goals, the races I'm hoping to complete this year are:

4 May 2013 - Nike She Run 10K
19 May 2013 - The Sydney Morning Herald Half Marathon
22 Sep 2013 - Blackmores Half Marathon

On top of that there are the SMC monthly races. I've registered but so far I've only ran 1 race since October. It's not a lot of races this year but they are a lot harder. I haven't done a half marathon since 2011. Back then I had a personal trainer to get me into shape. I really need to get some exercise plan in place.

Progress.....what progress?

Do I regret not doing the Blackmores Half Marathon this year? Sure! But I didn't want to enter it half-arsed and then be disappointed with my time. It was a struggle to complete the 9km run, I made the right decision.

I go through phases when I immerse myself into fitness and it correlates with what is going on in my life. In times of stress I turn to what makes me feel better, exercise! But it has also become more than that. Exercise is a lifestyle. It's beneficial in good and bad times....but I admit, in good times exercise is one thing that is neglected. Life happens! It's balancing it all that is the key.

My mind is constantly on exercise because once you stop, it's amazing how quickly you feel unfit! And knowing what it feels like to start from the beginning again, not looking forward to it. I was supposed to hit the gym at 530am this morning but instead sleep won the battle. Last night, work won! There just isn't enough time in the day, it seems.

This Saturday I will make the time, no excuses!!! Paddle boarding will be a great core workout and snorkeling I'm sure has fitness benefits. If not it will be fun at least.

Footy season is back, have the Rebel Run 4 Fun and the SMC road race series has begun. No more excuses, time to see some much needed progress or else I will always be a wannabe marathon runner!!